Welcome to the Watering Hole

From TikTok’s looming U.S. ban to Bob the Drag Queen stealing reality TV spotlight and Walmart’s accidental logo drama, this week’s headlines are peak chaotic energy. We’re diving into everything from queer love stories in the face of political panic to Venton Jones serving rom-com realness during a legislative session. Plus, Perfume Genius is back to haunt our playlists, Renee Rapp is redefining cool on Sesame Street, and Mark Zuckerberg is… well, being Zuck. Buckle up, because this week’s tea is piping hot, messy, and undeniably entertaining.

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• TikTok getting banned in the U.S. would be like canceling brunch—it’s chaotic, unnecessary, and who’s going to finger blast me in the booth now?? No but really, where else would we learn niche hobbies, argue over conspiracy theories, and get unsolicited skincare advice from a 19-year-old with perfect skin? Congress, be serious.

• Perfume Genius announcing a new album and tour is like the indie equivalent of Beyoncé dropping a surprise album. “It’s a Mirror” isn’t just a song; it’s an entire mood—haunting, vulnerable, and serving vibes we didn’t know we needed. As someone who considers No Shape one of the best albums of all time (yes, all time), this new era already has me spiraling in the best way. Who needs therapy when you have this track on repeat and a whole album to look forward to?

• Heidi Montag’s Superficial hitting number one after the LA fires burn down her house is the chaotic, campy plot twist 2025 needed. It’s giving “unintended cultural reset,” with Heidi’s auto-tuned bops somehow becoming the soundtrack to a city literally on fire. Is it ironic? Is it iconic? The line’s never been blurrier, and honestly, we love it.

• Carrie Underwood announcing she’ll perform at Trump’s inauguration is upsetting, but not surprising. It’s giving “jesus, take the wheel” for her career from here on out because folks on Twitter are not happy that she’s gone from American Idol to Insurrectionist Barbie. Also, Gavin DeGraw… seriously??? WE WERE ROOTING FOR YOU.

@dylan.horner

Not surprising tbh #carrieunderwood #trump #fyp

• Bob the Drag Queen stepping into The Traitors and stealing the show is giving “main character energy” like no other. Housewives stans thought they were running the drama, but Bob said, “Hold my wig, I’m the main event” and served reality TV chaos with a side of iconic one-liners. He might be giving a little bit too much away though, let’s hope he doesn’t get rooted out early.

• The fact that Walmart’s logo is sparking conversations about anal rejuvenation instead of rollback prices is exactly why the internet can’t be trusted. Whoever designed this deserves a raise, if only for the accidental hilarity.

  

  girl…

• Imagine being a Democrat and still backing a trans sports ban—it’s giving “missed the point” energy. Vicente Gonzalez and Henry Cuellar really said, “Let’s ditch progress for outdated takes,” and we’re collectively side-eyeing so hard it hurts. Gonzalez and Cuellar’s support for this nonsense feels like the political equivalent of showing up to Pride with a “Love Wins” T-shirt and then voting against equality. Like, sir, pick a lane—and it better not be the transphobic one. Also, can we get back to legislating issues that affect the majority of people in this country like affordable health care?

• Mace’s faux concern for trans youth is like pretending to care about a plant while refusing to water it. Crockett, on the other hand, is out here bringing the receipts and proving that advocacy isn’t just a buzzword—it’s a commitment. Also, Mace not understanding the difference between “chile” and “child” is giving “I only care to represent the people that voted for me, not all the people in my district".

• The idea of rushing to get married because of Trump’s inauguration feels like the queer version of “the world is ending, so let’s elope.” It’s giving “love is love” but also “love might be legislated,” and honestly, that mix of romance and panic is a 2016 mood we’d rather forget. But, we still can celebrate — congratulations Brian Sims and Alex Drakos!

• The AI overlords clearly need a crash course in boundaries and fact-checking. If Rafael Nadal isn’t trending for his forehand or a headband, then why is Siri trying to stir the gay pot? Stay in your lane, algorithms.

• XXL who? The plans for the new venue replacing London’s storied bear club XXL are giving “no one left behind,” and the girls, gays, and theys are ready to party. It’s refreshing to see a space embracing diversity instead of a strict door policy—now that’s the energy we need in 2025.

• Renee Rapp pulling up to Sesame Street feels like when your cool older cousin visits for Thanksgiving and shows you their Spotify Wrapped. The kids are about to learn their ABCs and discover what it means to serve.

• A legislative session proposal feels like the ultimate power move. Venton Jones didn’t just bring the receipts; he brought the ring. This isn’t just politics—it’s a rom-com in real time, and we’re all swooning.

• Mark Zuckerberg and Joe Rogan in a room together feels like the crossover nobody asked for, but we’re unfortunately stuck with them. The “emasculated society” talk? Peak fragile masculinity vibes. Maybe Zuck should stick to VR headsets and leave the gender commentary to literally anyone else.

Okay, bye.

That’s a wrap for this week! 🎉