Welcome to the Watering Hole

As always, the chaos is nonstop and the pop culture gods are working overtime.

Google Calendar decided to gaslight an entire community, quietly making Pride Month, Black History Month, and Women’s History Month “optional” while keeping National Donut Day locked in. The math isn’t mathing, Google. Meanwhile, the Vatican is out here doing damage control, sending Trump what can only be described as a celestial “Please log off” letter, and Andy Cohen’s leaked nudes have officially made the Bravo universe too unfiltered.

On the entertainment front, Patrick Schwarzenegger is stripping down for The White Lotus, Jacob Elordi is committing to homoerotic tension yet again, and Madonna is teasing Confessions on a Dance Floor Part 2 because being an icon is a full-time job.

Pour a drink (preferably Gay Water), stay hydrated, and let’s get into it.

• Beyoncé ticket chaos? Oh, we’ve been here before. The Renaissance Tour already had us fighting for our lives in Ticketmaster’s virtual Hunger Games, and now Cowboy Carter is giving us déjà vu. Fans are out here refreshing like it’s a full-time job, praying to the WiFi gods, and mentally preparing to drop rent money on nosebleeds. And the worst part? We know we’re gonna do it anyway. The power this woman holds. Honestly, at this point, Ticketmaster should just send us straight to financial ruin with a lil’ “Sorry to this fan” notification. Beyoncé, girl, we love you, but can you throw us a bone? Maybe a fan presale that doesn’t feel like Squid Game?

• Patrick Schwarzenegger doing a nude scene in The White Lotus Season 3? Oh, Mike White really knows his audience. The gays have been fed well with this show, and now we’re getting a Schwarzenegger serving full frontal realness? If nothing else, this guarantees The White Lotus will have us all back in our group chats, acting like investigative journalists when the inevitable leaks hit Twitter.

• Google Calendar really woke up and chose corporate amnesia, huh? Like, how did Pride Month, Black History Month, and Women’s History Month suddenly become “optional”? Meanwhile, National Donut Day is still locked in. The math isn’t mathing. Google, be serious—nobody asked for this, and now you just look shady and lazy.

• Jacob Elordi in a queer romance? Oh, the girls, gays, and theys will be seated. On Swift Horses finally has a release date, which means we can officially start preparing for the inevitable Tumblr gif sets, thirst tweets, and overanalyzing every longing glance. After Saltburn, Elordi really said, “Let me double down on the homoerotic tension,” and honestly, we respect the commitment. Saddle up—this one’s gonna have us in shambles.

• Euphoria Season 3 is finally filming? HBO really had us out here waiting like Rue on a comedown. But hey, as long as we get more glitter, trauma, and Zendaya giving us award-winning devastation, we’ll be seated. Now let’s just pray Sam Levinson discovered the concept of a plot during the hiatus.

• So the Pope’s letter to Trump was basically a gentle reminder to be less hateful and maybe, just maybe, try leading with compassion for once. Apparently, Pope Francis urged him to embrace “fraternity and peace” instead of, you know, whatever it is he usually does. The fact that the Vatican felt the need to step in like a disappointed dad says a lot. Imagine getting a divine “do better” email from the Pope himself—embarrassing. Now the real question is: Did Trump even read it, or did it go straight to the “fake news” pile?

• Trump really signed an executive order… for plastic straws? We’ve got, like, actual problems, and he’s out here fighting the war on biodegradable sippy cups. The way he framed this like some patriotic comeback—sir, it’s a straw, not the moon landing. And the shark comment? Please. At this point, he’s just saying words.

• Madonna teased Confessions on a Dance Floor part 2?! The takeaway? She’s still Mother—but now she’s giving us legacy with a side of vulnerability. And yes, she’s still making the straights uncomfortable. Take My Money: The World Tour is loading…

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• Kit Williamson stays giving us the queer representation we deserve, and Unconventional sounds like no exception. A show that’s messy, funny, and unapologetically trans-inclusive? Inject it directly into my watchlist. At this point, Williamson is basically the patron saint of chaotic queer storytelling, and honestly, we love to see it.

• A whole workbook for Trans History Week? Oh, the education system could never. Finally, something that actually teaches history instead of erasing it. This is about to send conservatives into a meltdown, which is just further proof that it’s necessary. Queer kids deserve to see themselves in history, and this? This is giving ✨ essential reading ✨.

• Omar and Edvin hugging it out? Yeah, the Young Royals fandom just collectively lost their minds. The show may be over, but the chemistry? Still very much alive. If Netflix won’t give us another season, at least let these two do a rom-com together—because the way we’re still invested in their every interaction is actually unhealthy.

• Clairo, Ayo Edebiri, and Weird Al in the same music video? This is the most chaotic yet deeply correct casting decision of all time. The indie girlies, the comedy nerds, and the people who own one Hawaiian shirt are all equally gagged. Clairo really woke up and said, “Let me create a niche cultural reset,” and we thank her for it.

• Tituss Burgess playing a drunk, unhinged Mary Todd Lincoln on Broadway? Oh, theater gays, we ride at dawn. Cole Escola’s Oh Mary! is already giving camp excellence, and adding Tituss and Betty Gilpin to the mix just made it even more iconic. The Tony voters better start stretching now, because they’re gonna have to reach to snub this one.

• Worcester, Massachusetts is becoming a trans sanctuary and just told the feds to choke, officially declaring itself a sanctuary city for transgender individuals. While certain politicians are busy rolling back rights, Worcester said, “Not on our watch.”

• John Whaite going from Great British Bake Off champ to OnlyFans thirst trap? Now that’s what I call a career pivot. First, he had us gagged over his pastries, and now he’s serving something meatier—his words, not mine! If Paul Hollywood can hand out bread-based flirtation for free, John might as well get paid for it.

• Andy Cohen’s nudes leaking? Oh, the Bravo universe just got way more unfiltered. And honestly? They’re exactly what you’d expect—confident, slightly chaotic, and somehow still giving “daddy who orders too many espresso martinis.” At this point, between Housewives scandals and Vanderpump drama, this just feels like another day in the Bravo cinematic universe. We’re not going to link them, that would be improper… but definitely don’t do a quick Twitter search of “andy cohen nudes” 👀

• InStyle linking up with A Twink & A Redhead for a TikTok series? Culture has peaked. If you’ve ever worked a fashion internship, you know the delusion is real, and these two are about to drag it in the best way. The Devil Wears Prada meets The Intern? Sure, but neither of those had two cunty interns who wear borrowed runway outfits, invite themselves to fashion week and shit on their editor to her face.

@instyle

With #NYFW now underway, InStyle found ourselves a little short-staffed and called upon interns to help us out. HR must not have vetted @G... See more

Okay, bye.

From Google Calendar gaslighting us to Andy Cohen’s nudes (don’t act like you didn’t look), this week has been a lot. But at least we have things to look forward to—Tituss Burgess is about to serve unhinged camp excellence on Broadway, Young Royals fans are getting crumbs of serotonin, and Kit Williamson is once again giving us queer brilliance.

So stay strong, stay hydrated, and if you do end up selling a kidney for Beyoncé tickets, at least make it Club Carter.